It’s a little serious, it’s a little funny, but it’s mostly seriously funny.

While reading this book, you might laugh, you might cry, you might cry while laughing, which would be awesome. You might even read something that in some very small way improves your life, or gives you a different perspective or way of thinking about an important life topic, such as marriage, parenting, getting older, guinea pigs, texting with emojis, wearing sweatpants, cooking shows, phallic gravestones, clogged toilets, and much, much, MUCH more.

a. The aches and pains
b. Having to urinate more frequently
c. Sometimes forgetting what you just said or wrote
d. The aches and pains

Why do dental hygienists try to have a conversation with you given that your mouth is WIDE open, full of saliva, and being poked and prodded with sharp and noisy instruments?

a. Never
b. Sometimes
c. Always
d. I prefer wearing a garment that is even MORE comfortable, such as a snuggie, comfy, or slanket

Disneyworld was created with the purpose of conducting a massive and long running experiment to test and determine how long humans are willing and able to wait in a line, and the billions in profits are just a byproduct of that experiment.

NEVER tell a sleep deprived parent of a screaming baby who just made a ‘stinky’ that their baby is ugly, unattractive, unappealing, unpleasant, or any word in the English language other than cute.